Here are 10+ ultra-common examples of negative self-talk. I hope that reading these general examples helps you to identify your own negative self-talk patterns and begin to unwire them.
In case you’re curious, let’s discuss negative self-talk some more.
Expanding on the Examples of Negative Self-Talk
In my article What Is Negative Self-talk?, we look at this deeply. But here’s short version.
As humans, we have all kinds of mental chatter or mental talk. We think about a trillion things, all day every day, and most of us have no idea we’re doing so.
We chatter internally about our past, our future, other people, places we’ve been, what we like, what we dislike, what’s right, what’s wrong, and more. Within all our habitual inner chatter, there is a subcategory called negative self-talk.
Negative self-talk is negative, self-directed mental chatter. It can even become verbal, when we say our self-talk out loud.
True enough, not all our mental talk is negative, or self-directed, or unpleasant in any way. But because it’s so pervasive, it acts as an addiction. We get used to it, and we don’t realise the effects it has on us. In fact, take it as a principle that our mental talk is so ubiquitous that it’s tricky to notice it at all.
Often events in our lives trigger it, too: if we fail an exam or make a mistake at work, our negative self-talk tends to flare up. I’m sure you’ve had this experience: something goes wrong, and you immediately start self-flagellating, even though it’s the last thing you need in that moment.
You’ll notice from the above examples that this negative chatter revolves around negative generalisations about the world, our character and our capabilities.
And, amazingly, it’s not only kicked into action by events in our lives. It’s actually our default experience. It starts up on its own, over and over again throughout our day. One false step, and the inner torrent stirs.
Our addiction to our thoughts mean it’s difficult to see them as they are, even when they are negative and self-deprecating. Put all these insights together, and you realise that we’re very prone to falling into negative self-talk, especially when the going gets tough.
Our Default Experience
I want to reveal something shocking to you.
You might read the description of negative self-talk and conclude that it constitutes a minor part of your life. After all, why would we walk around criticising and tormenting ourselves all day, lamenting our lives?
But that is exactly what we do. A landmark study at Harvard University showed that, when our attention is unoccupied, we quickly become absorbed in wild, random, negative internal chatter. That is, we default to it.
We chatter internally all the time about ourselves, and much of the time, it is negative. If you don’t believe me, start a meditation practice and face your mind square on. You’ll be shocked at how much negative self-talk you have both during meditation and during your day.
Observe yourself, and you’ll realise that you’re often in this state when you’re doing things, when your attention is supposedly occupied. It’s almost as though we need a significant level of input to be taken out of zombie mode. Being occupied temporarily turns it off. Otherwise, it would always be on!
My Conclusions On Negative Self-Talk
After spending a long time observing my own negative self-talk, I’ve come to the conclusion that it is largely:
- catastrophic (in a study, researchers recorded all participants’ negative predictions for their future; 90% of which never came to fruition);
- depressive (it’s repetitive and critical),
- disempowering (it drains you, leaves you feeling hopeless, and overrides your decision-making abilities),
- untrue (that’s right, it’s mostly BS, unconnected to reality in any way), AND
- useless (it serves no real purpose).
It’s a great idea to observe our self-talk so we can uncover the mental patterns that govern our personality and behaviour. That is when you begin to become immune to this wickedly destructive inner material.
You might like my episode What Is Negative Self-Talk?
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